A look at “Minority stress in consensually non-monogamous individuals: mental health implications” by Nicholas C. Borgogna, Stephen L. Aita and Lilah J. Aita (2024)
In several posts in this series, we’ve seen researchers point out that people in consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships are no less mentally healthy than monogamous people. So here’s a study that complicates the picture, and why that doesn’t mean what some might assume.
What they found
The researchers used data from a huge annual survey of mental health among students at 60 universities in the US and Canada. From more than 64,000 respondents, they identified 91 students in CNM relationships. They compared them with randomly selected students who were single, dating, or married or partnered.
The headlines:
- CNM students were more likely to be LGBTQIA+, and were younger on average.
- They reported higher rates of depression, even after accounting for factors like age and sexual or gender identity.
- They also reported higher rates of emotional abuse, physical abuse and sexual assault, with sexual assault in the past year remaining significant even after other factors were considered.
- There were no differences in sex assigned at birth, race or financial stress.
The authors interpret this through minority stress theory: the idea that belonging to a stigmatised group creates extra stress, through prejudice, rejection, hiding or internalised shame, and that this stress takes a toll on mental health. Crucially, they explicitly reject the idea that depression “causes” people to become non-monogamous.
A grain of glitter ✨
This study is a useful counterweight to a sometimes rosy picture, and its sample wasn’t recruited as “a CNM study”, which reduces some biases. But it needs careful reading.
The biggest caveat is that minority stress itself wasn’t actually measured. There were no questions about stigma, discrimination or concealment. So while the minority stress explanation is plausible, it’s an interpretation rather than a finding. Other explanations, including the fact that the CNM group was much more likely to be LGBTQIA+ and therefore already exposed to minority stress, can’t be fully untangled.
Only 91 CNM participants were included, all college students, and the data are from 2017–18. “CNM” also covered a wide range, from two primary partners to “multiple partners”. It’s a snapshot, so the direction of the links isn’t clear.
It’s also worth holding this alongside earlier research that found no mental health differences. Different samples and methods give different answers, and that’s exactly why no single study should settle the matter.
Why this matters
If you’re non-monogamous and struggling, this study suggests the problem is unlikely to be your relationship structure. It’s more likely the weight of living in a world that judges it. Good therapy should help you with that weight, not try to talk you out of who you love. The authors also recommend that therapists ask sensitively about experiences of abuse or assault, without implying that non-monogamy invites them.
It’s not the size of the herd that wears a unicorn down. It’s all the side-eye from the field next door.