A look at “Are we ready to serve? Couple and family therapists’ attitudes toward BDSM and their perceived competence to help BDSM practitioners” by Zachary Lane Berman, Mona Mittal, Mariana K. Falconier and Jessica N. Fish (2025)
In “Queer, Kinky and Coming Out Twice: What Clients Want from Sex Therapy”, queer kinky clients said they wanted therapists who are genuinely “kink-aware”. So how ready are therapists? This American study asked couple and family therapists how they feel about BDSM and how confident they’d be helping kinky clients. The answer: warm, but a bit wobbly.
What they found
The researchers surveyed 114 licensed couple and family therapists, recruited through professional directories and mailing lists. Participants completed questionnaires about their attitudes towards BDSM and how competent they felt to work with BDSM practitioners.
The headlines:
- Attitudes were generally positive. Most therapists didn’t hold strongly prejudiced views about BDSM.
- But confidence was only moderate. Feeling okay about kink isn’t the same as knowing how to help with it.
- Training made a difference. Therapists with three or more hours of BDSM-specific training felt notably more competent. So did those with sex therapy certification, and those who advertised a specialism in BDSM or LGBTQIA+ therapy.
The authors’ practical recommendation is pleasingly simple: build a few hours of kink-focused training into therapist education and continuing professional development.
A grain of glitter ✨
The “three hours” finding is encouraging and very actionable. But there are some important caveats, and the authors are admirably frank about them.
First, this measured perceived competence: how confident therapists feel, not how well they actually work with kinky clients. Confidence and skill usually go together, but not always, and a little training can sometimes breed overconfidence.
Second, there’s a big selection effect. Over half the participants already advertised a specialism in BDSM, kink or non-monogamy, so these are probably the most interested and informed therapists around. As the authors note, the wider profession is likely less positive and less confident than this sample suggests.
The sample was also small, mostly white and female, and US-based. And because it’s a snapshot, we can’t be sure training caused the boost in confidence. It may be that more confident, interested therapists seek out training in the first place.
Why this matters
If you’re kinky, this is mildly encouraging news. Many therapists are open-minded, and it doesn’t take enormous effort to become better informed. But it’s still worth asking a potential therapist directly about their training and experience with BDSM, because “I’m fine with it” isn’t quite the same as “I know how to help”.
A unicorn wouldn’t trust a farrier who’d never seen a hoof. It’s fair to ask your therapist how much kink training they’ve had, too.