A look at “Childhood Sexual Abuse, Adult Attachment Styles, and Involvement in BDSM Practices in Adult Intimate Relationships” by Maja Selič and Vesna Jug (2025)
There’s an old, tired assumption that anyone into kink must be “damaged” in some way. It’s an assumption that has done a lot of harm to people who simply enjoy a bit of rope, ritual or role-play. This Slovenian study wades into delicate territory, asking whether childhood experiences and attachment styles are linked to involvement in BDSM. Spoiler: the answer is far more nuanced than the stereotype.
A gentle note: this post discusses childhood sexual abuse in general terms.
What they found
The researchers surveyed 318 adults, recruited online and through social media and kink community forums. They asked about childhood experiences of sexual abuse, attachment style (how people tend to feel and behave in close relationships) and involvement in submissive and dominant BDSM practices.
The headlines:
- A history of childhood sexual abuse was associated with more involvement in submissive roles, and with “fearful” and “preoccupied” attachment styles. These styles involve worry about closeness, rejection or abandonment.
- But securely attached people were also more likely to practise BDSM. That’s a finding that rather pokes a hole in the “kink equals damage” myth.
- Men reported more submissiveness and more dominance than women, which bucks the usual assumption that women are more often submissive.
- LGBTQIA+ people and those in open relationships were more involved in BDSM, as were older and city-dwelling participants.
Crucially, the authors are clear that BDSM is not inherently rooted in trauma. Many people describe kink as meaningful, playful, a route to growth or, for some, a safe and structured way to process difficult experiences. And plenty of people who enjoy BDSM have no history of abuse at all.
A grain of glitter ✨
The authors handle a sensitive topic thoughtfully and resist overclaiming, which deserves credit. But the findings come with a generous pinch of salt.
This was a snapshot survey, so it can only show associations, not causes. Participants weren’t randomly selected. When too few kinky people responded at first, the researchers posted the survey on a BDSM forum, so the sample is a mix of different populations. Everything relied on self-report about very personal experiences.
There are some technical wobbles too. The measure of secure attachment had very poor reliability in this sample, so the findings about secure attachment should be treated with particular caution. The summary and the conclusions also describe the abuse findings slightly differently. And the survey didn’t place much emphasis on consent, which is the bedrock of BDSM, as the authors themselves acknowledge. With only two nonbinary participants, gender-diverse experiences were essentially invisible.
Why this matters
If you’re kinky, you don’t need to explain or justify your desires, to a therapist or anyone else. If you’re a survivor who’s curious about whether your past and your preferences are connected, that’s a valid and worthwhile thing to explore, at your own pace, without anyone deciding the answer for you. Good therapy should be curious, not judgemental, and should leave room for kink to be a source of joy, connection or healing.
Unicorns come in all sorts of harnesses. What matters is that yours is chosen freely, fits well and feels good.